The American Religious Creed
To
be said on the Sunday of each week and at the start of every school day:
1.
I’m entitled to my opinion and you’re entitled
to yours. (With certain exceptions; see below.)
2.
All truth is culturally relative. (Please don’t
ask whether this truth is culturally relative.)
3.
We should never make judgments about other
cultures or religions, but should always exercise tolerance no matter how
intolerant the aforementioned seem to be. (Actually, we shouldn’t even be
judging whether they are tolerant or not, which is judgmental itself, so please
don’t even get to the “but” phrase. And please ignore contradictions with
anything that follows.)
4.
Everyone should be nice to everyone else.
5.
Being nice to everyone means that people who are
paying 60% of their income in state and federal income taxes should pay more,
otherwise they are being selfish. (Corollary: niceness requires that everyone
be part of the 98%; second corrollary: “I’m not selfish; I vote for Democrats.)
6.
Being nice to everyone means that abortion on
demand should be funded by the government. (Unborn children are not
“everyone”.)
7.
Being nice to everyone means that mounting
government debt doesn’t matter because people need government help. (Unborn
children are not “everyone”.)
8.
Being nice to everyone doesn’t apply to “the
2%,” who are selfish bastards anyway.
9.
Being nice to everyone means letting any
combination or number of people who want to get married, get married, so long
as they’re all down with it, and Christians who have objections should just
shut up because they aren’t being tolerant. See #3.
10. All
Western discourse up to this point is just a mask for power to hide behind—this
creed excepted.