Blaise Pascal, Penseé 347: “Man is but a reed, the most feeble thing in nature; but he is a thinking reed. The entire universe need not arm itself to crush him. A vapor, a drop of water suffices to kill him. But, if the universe were to crush him, man would still be more noble than that which killed him, because he knows that he dies and the advantage which the universe has over him; the universe knows nothing of this. All our dignity consists, then, in thought. By it we must elevate ourselves, and not by space and time which we cannot fill. Let us endeavor, then, to think well; this is the principle of morality.”

Saturday, June 16, 2012

President Welty's Secret (Old) Stationery Stash Discovered

Exclusive to the Huron County Extract:

A source deep within the administration who we will designate as "Bullfrog" has revealed the location and astonishing size of President Welty's secret stash of old stationery. Well over a quarter of a million pages of old letterhead and hundredth anniversary letterhead are stored in a warehouse near the Fresno State campus postoffice. Here are the pictures provided by Bullfrog:

Two pallets of stationery, pre-paw vintage, about 1/4 million sheets, pictures above and below. 

And more stationery:

Closeup of bottom pallet:

The Extract is unable to confirm Bullfrog's report of stealthy trips by fourth floor administrative assistants to this site, but he speculates that they sneak reams of paper on the infrequent occasions when their bosses need to communicate with adults (as opposed to Long Beach administrators, alumni, and Bulldog boosters, who get the paw-print logo).

Since faculty are not considered to be adults (see previous blogs on CSALT, promotion of the new logo, declarative consultation, consultation by osmosis, and non-consultation), they have been consigned to use the paw-print logo when they write letters of recommendation and cover letters to publishers.

Bullfrog: "Look for a black market to start in old letterhead once departmental supplies begin to run low and the faculty starts to panic as profs try to publish or get students into good graduate schools. What you are looking at here is a potential gold mine. It could go as high as $2 or $3 a sheet, maybe higher."

Huron County Extract: "Isn't the administration afraid the bigger, more powerful cartels trying to control the stationery market may retaliate once this paper comes onto the market?"

Bullfrog: "Nothing to fear from Mexico, here, but Bowater and International Paper can be dangerous. Besides, somebody's making money on the new stationery. They've got their cut."

Huron County Extract: "How would the average faculty member, ahem, go about acquiring some of this product?"

Bullfrog: "Get to know faculty members who seem to be on the periphery of the administration, but who are looking to make a move. Keep a sharp lookout for dealers when you're in parking lot D. There are still trees there for cover and no surveillance cameras. It's a natural location for paper transactions to take place and conveniently close to headquarters."

Huron County Extract: "Just one more question. You don't suppose that the new logo . . . was imposed on the faculty, just to . . . to . . ."

Bullfrog: "To create a clandestine market in a controlled substance? [chuckles] Reedeep."

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