The American Religious Creed

The American Religious Creed

            To be said on the Sunday of each week and at the start of every school day:

1.     I’m entitled to my opinion and you’re entitled to yours. (With certain exceptions; see below.)

2.     All truth is culturally relative. (Please don’t ask whether this truth is culturally relative.)

3.     We should never make judgments about other cultures or religions, but should always exercise tolerance no matter how intolerant the aforementioned seem to be. (Actually, we shouldn’t even be judging whether they are tolerant or not, which is judgmental itself, so please don’t even get to the “but” phrase. And please ignore contradictions with anything that follows.)

4.     Everyone should be nice to everyone else.

5.     Being nice to everyone means that people who are paying 60% of their income in state and federal income taxes should pay more, otherwise they are being selfish. (Corollary: niceness requires that everyone be part of the 98%; second corrollary: “I’m not selfish; I vote for Democrats.)

6.     Being nice to everyone means that abortion on demand should be funded by the government. (Unborn children are not “everyone”.)

7.     Being nice to everyone means that mounting government debt doesn’t matter because people need government help. (Unborn children are not “everyone”.)

8.     Being nice to everyone doesn’t apply to “the 2%,” who are selfish bastards anyway.

9.     Being nice to everyone means letting any combination or number of people who want to get married, get married, so long as they’re all down with it, and Christians who have objections should just shut up because they aren’t being tolerant. See #3.

10. All Western discourse up to this point is just a mask for power to hide behind—this creed excepted.